Well, I was happy to get some good responses and hopefully I will get some more for the next set! Thank you to those who added input. I only selected a few for this post so if you don't see yours, I will likely address it on the next one. And if you are still shy about it, don't be. I would venture to say your questions are not exclusive to your family alone. Ok, not to the Q&A...
My spouse is in the academy/long distance training. What ways can I support them knowing I am doing a lot of work on my end too?
It is pretty easy to see that any intense training can be strenuous on marriages and individuals. Really, they are designed for that purpose. Long distance training can be just as stressful as availability is limited and sometimes time differences makes it worse.
First, know that your work as a spouse is just as important as your LEOs. In a Celestial Marriage, you are both help-meets to each other. So make sure that you both communicate that your work is difficult but that you are working through it together. Taking time to let each other vent a bit often helps, just make sure it isn't a competition. Bring up jokes. Read scripture together. Go through the joyful parts of the day. Most importantly, continue to find that spiritual connection with Heavenly Father together.
Once you are both on a more elevated conversation, the concerns and "tough topics" are likely to be handled appropriately... like the reminder that you actually would like a break or a chance to rest too. From experience, both the academy and long distance training (for lack of better word) blows. Yes, there is great learning, but that separation from spouse and being constantly occupied by something other than fun texts or calls between my spouse and I really was the greater stress. But knowing I had an amazing spouse at home temporarily holding both ends of the yoke empowered me and I have tried to keep that in mind any time work is stressful and I just want to complain. You all do great work to keep your family strong and I salute your service!
Previous to this career, a text or a call rarely went unanswered. Now, I become fearful when that unanswered text goes for hours. I often fear the worse. What can I do?
Great question and probably a terrifying one for all spouses, especially with more recent events. I previously sat in a cubicle with all the time in the world to send thousands of texts to my spouse. I now work in the evening and that usually means my other half goes to sleep before I am done with my shift. There are days when I can text or call without any issue. Of course, there are other days where it is inappropriate or impossible to text or call.
I have some suggestions, but you need to find what works for you. Have a Family Counsel about it and come up with a few ideas to help. I have had a hot call come out right off the bat which takes hours to complete. By then, my spouse is asleep (or trying to be). I still send the "I'm ok. Hot call sorry" text even knowing it could wake my spouse. LEOs, make sure you add something about your call so it isn't construed as a "hey what's up?" text!
Remember too that if you haven't had the "uncomfortable talk" about the worst case scenario, have it. No one likes talking about wills in normal life, but without it, a lot of unwanted issues come up. Take the time to discuss and end it with a prayer together. The Lord always strengthens. I would also add that an unanswered text is more likely than not a simple reason rather than that worse case scenario.
If you feel comfortable, have your spouse introduce and get phone numbers of beat partners or Sergeants. Yes this is a little more intrusive, but if it has taken some time to get a text back, it is possible someone with a less hot call can verify your LEO is ok. Plus, don't you want to get to know the people your LEO looks to for back up?
My LEO is different with this career than they used to be. They seem more distracted/angry/gloomy/dark/distant/aggressive/etc. Is there any way to fix this?
Can you tell I got a lot of these? I am sure there were other vernaculars used but I just wanted you all to see that you are not alone in this concern. It is easy for LEOs to blame it on the job. I have done it too. The reality is most of the time it is a mix of job training and unresolved stress. Yes we sit in dark corners of the room scanning for threats. That is part of the job. But the anti-social attribute is not. The new "battle plan" for every occasion it probably normal. The negative outlook isn't. Basically it boils down to safety measure vs learned behavior. Have a family counsel and discuss it. PTSD is real. Depression from the terrible things LEOs see is real. Exhaustion is real. But it is up to the both of you to discuss and identify the differences and adapt to some of the new changes.
Will you tell my LEO I love her/him?
Ok, sure! Haha, I had to add that one in. LEOs, your spouse loves you. So give 'em a big ol' smooch and a hug. Or text them that you will (and follow through). We are nothing without our partners while on the job but we are even less than nothing without our Eternal Partners. Remember, they are the reason you do what you do.
Thank you for all those who submitted questions. I really can't do all this myself so if something inspired you, email or comment me. You might have better advice than I can give! I hope this is one of many Q&A's in the future. Let's keep the conversation going and the communication open. Take courage, LEOs. And for goodness' sake, be grateful for your spouse!
Godspeed, LEOs.
-LDS Sheepdog
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