Readers' Choice Topic - Alone

While I await more responses for my Q&A for spouses, I have gotten a lot of questions from readers about what to do when they are faced with a lack of support from their family, friends, church members, or their community.  Seriously, this is like the number one question brought up to me.  So if you feel you are alone in this, I encourage you to write me.  Your concerns and advice actually help me answer questions others have and are the reason this blog has as many topics as it does. (My email is at the bottom of the page under profile)

I think most of us feel the duty of our jobs and see it as a honorable and valiant service to our fellow man.  If you are in an especially Mormon population, you probably see the "American spirit" of first responder jobs in the media or over the pulpit.  And yet after we begin this job, all the "atta-boy" and "what a noble profession" turns into, "Can't you tell your work you need few Sundays off?" or "You shouldn't be so aggressive at work" or "How are you supposed to raise a family with your schedule?"  Where did that support go?

The reality is that while as a whole there are standards to live by, but sometimes those get blended into a culture.  I think some people (myself included) have at one time or another looked at the "standard" LDS household:

NOT the real family.  These people are probably nothing like what I describe below...

Met the LDS standard family.  Husband and wife in the temple a few months after his mission.  Only LDS schools for them.  Children right away and career immediately for Dad.
Dad works at a 9-5 steady job with personal interaction at work, but no moral conflict with his work activities.  He maintains a quiet and pleasant demeanor and probably works under a great boss who understands he needs time off for family at the drop of a hat.  No weekend work is done because he only chooses a profession that refuses to do so.  He is home to assist with a large family of well behaved children, and holds a "major" church calling which he performs again with no work conflict.  Heck, he might even work for the church offices or something.  He has friends but only "Christian" ones or "more religious" ones.  Debating with friends is off limits.
Mom is a stay-at-home wife and mother who raises her kids to go to a school that is morally righteous.  She does not work because that would be against an undocumented commandment to be at home with the kids full time.  She holds a large calling and ensures that any of her "free time" is spent only in service and scripture study.  She hosts several blogs but only works on them while the children are asleep or studying.  She refuses to interact with anyone that might question the morals of her family.

Ok, a little extreme.  And really this says nothing about them other than an outward appearance.  This family is not standard.  This family is culture.  But culture is not a standard.

Think of the 4th Article of Faith.  Those are the standards.  I would venture to say that most of you have not and will likely never meet the above listed mold.  And even if you did, that is not important.  What is important is your relationship with Heavenly Father.  What is important is your personal growth toward Eternal Life.  Repentance is important.  The Family Proclamation is important.  Your life and your family's life should be based on the Principles and Ordinances of the Gospel, not an idealistic idea.

If you are still worried you are doing something contrary, put it to this rubric:

1 - Are you (and your spouse for those married) counseling consistently with the Lord?

All of us are working in the same direction, just on our own personal growth path.  If what you are doing is looked at by others as wrong or different, that matters extremely little (unless what you are doing is actually wrong, of which you pretty much already know you are doing it incorrectly).  What matters is that you are in the solid triangle of you, your spouse, and the Lord.  No spouse?  Make it a solid rod of you and the Lord.  Just as no one can tell you what your testimony is, no one can make life decisions for you.

2 - Are you studying, not just searching, the gospel principles?

This blog is not doctrine.  Even some of the greatest literature written is not doctrine.  The scriptures and gospel teachings which are in harmony with Latter-Day revelation and prophets are doctrine.  Go to your Heavenly Father in active prayer AND searching of these works for guidance and you will find answers and comfort.

3 - Are you actively participating in the work of the Lord?

Again, I have had many of you contact me discussing very personal and difficult struggles.  One of the common themes is a fear of not fitting in or a lack of support (especially with recent events).  My answer (and one reiterated by all the prophets): participate!  Sign up for the activity you know you could do, but have to rearrange a few calendar items.  Volunteer to host a family for dinner.  Take the calling, or offer yourself for a calling.  If you only expect to be acted upon, you will likely be left wanting.

4 - Where is your faith at?

Believe in the Lord.  Believe in His plan.  Know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are on your side.  Build your testimony of the Lord, not in temporal things.  If you need more faith, exercise it.  LDS.org puts a lot of information on the website weekly and if you haven't looked at it, there is a ton of relevant, actual gospel principles taught. Only you know what needs to be improved in your life so ponder and reflect on what you need.

I hope this helps ease some of the anguish I read.  If not, message me!  We are all in this world together for a reason.  And if there is one last thing I could say to you on this matter (at least for this post), it is that I care about all of you.  In fact, I would venture a guess that everyone else reading this blog besides you cares about you as well.  Don't despair.  Take courage!

Godspeed, LEOs.

-LDS Sheepdog